"well, that's it."
I don't know why I think the rhythm of this song suits tonight's theme. Listening to this will be a little excited, this is obviously a heavy topic, because the truth has long been understood, but no one came forward to stab it with a self-cutting knife.
I am not like you, which stirs up thousands of waves with one stone. For a moment, I seem to have become a life mentor and can solve a lot of life problems for others. So a lot of people began to complain about her life to me on Wechat, or tell me about his grievances. Usually at the end, they will add:
"do you think I did something wrong?"
every time I see this problem, I take a cold breath, because I am afraid that a casual remark will make them not realize that this is not a "right" question. For example, the following question:
yesterday, a sister told me about the contradiction between the dormitory, and then explained to me the situation at that time, including the causes and consequences of the whole incident.
I probably looked at it. In fact, my younger sister wanted to go out to play alone, but my roommate thought, "We are all good friends, how can you abandon me?", so I criticized my younger sister a little. The younger sister felt aggrieved, so she came to talk to me.
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I didn't answer her question at that time. I just said, "just copy what you said to me and send it to your roommate."
I didn't say she was right, nor did I say she was wrong. Because this is like Luo Shengmen, everything we say will unconsciously add some subjective color. I only know you. How can I help you judge whether this is right or wrong? This is not a matter of law, there is a clear right and wrong.
and she told me so much just for me to comfort her and say softly to her:
"it's her fault, not you. Break it off."
of course, she won't really break up after I say that, but she will definitely feel better because of it. But I don't want to do this. It's very simple, but it goes against your original intention of looking for me. If you just want me to support you, why don't you just say so?
I went to ask this sister again today, "did you send it to him?"
she showed me some screenshots to prove that she did what I said.
for the first time, I felt that my voice was so important to a stranger. I felt very anxious and hastened to ask her if she had broken up with her, but she said no. Luckily, this is my first thought. Then I said to her, "Hey, sister, you do what I tell you to do." I know you do what I say because you believe me, but the question is, how do you judge that what I say is the solution to the problem? "
A stranger does not know what kind of person you are, nor what kind of person "he" is. From your story alone, how can he solve these emotional problems for you? Besides, why would he help you solve the problem? Do you have an interest relationship? Or do you think that if you follow him, you should get his help?
think about it. No one can live for you, and no one wants to live for you.
so stop asking me those complicated life questions, because although I am good at beating chicken blood, I am not good at providing private customization, unless you send me a red envelope before asking questions.
in fact, in daily life, some friends will send you a long story of grievance in the middle of the night and ask you, "did I do something wrong?"
you think that as his friend, you should tell him the truth, but you find that the more you talk, the more sad he is, and even feel that you don't understand him. You start to explain why it's wrong. But he won't listen. He's sad. He can't figure out why you think he made a mistake.
the moment you answered the question, he got the answer: "you are wrong."
because just like we flip a coin when we encounter problems, the moment the coin flies into the sky, you know which direction you will choose, and the pros and cons of the coin are no longer important.
they just want you to agree with him, but they don't want to say it directly.
so you learn your lesson. Every time someone complains, you are willing to think from his point of view, comfort him, and support him. When he was done, you thought "is your turn" was over, so you began to complain to him about the troubles in your life. You thought he would have "empathy" with you like you, but he only said:
"I'm so sleepy. I want to go to bed first. Thank you."
did you know that from the beginning, you were just a "friendly backup" for him. Love has a spare, but who in friendship says there is no spare? Most people just want to talk about themselves, and they don't want to take the time to listen to your story. And you are just the hole in the tree that won't tell, because the hole in the tree can't talk.
really, there are such people, because I have played this role for many years, listening to their thoughts and giving them a lot of advice. But when I was bored, I wanted to complain to others, but I found that I was the only one in the world.
I hope you can meet a friend who will listen to you and you will listen to him.
after you meet, remember to send them a red packet to thank them for listening to you for so long.
for those friends who just want to talk but don't want to hear, you can say to him directly:
"you just want me to support you, why don't you just say it"
will definitely make him half angry.