The best family education is when the whole family listens to their mother!
Good morning, accompany you to read.
have you ever felt helpless and mad when you were dismantled and disagreed by your family when educating your children?
such scenes in life are not uncommon. Mothers are seriously educating their children, fathers or the elderly at home, not only not helping you educate their children, but also interrupting you and speaking for them.
I have received a lot of similar messages:
mothers set rules for their children, no snacks or mobile phones, but when they come to the father, they think that "the child is still young, don't be so strict" and allow the child to eat and play.
the child has been taught repeatedly, and the mother has decided to punish him and let him learn a lesson, while his grandparents protect their children "they will understand when they grow up."
the result is often educational failure, which not only leads to family conflicts, but also has a negative impact on children.
dismantling education hurts children's
parents' model of "one bad cop and one bad cop". It has been popular in Chinese family education for decades and was once praised as a "brilliant plan".
but now it seems to be open to question. If there are two standards and two sets of rules for children's education in a family, this kind of education will usually end in failure.
first of all, the most obvious thing is that it is difficult for a child to learn to behave because he has no idea who to listen to.
Mom says it's a bad habit to watch ipad when eating. You can't watch it. But dad said it was all right after reading it;
Mom said you can't hit other children with toys, but dad said it was all for children's fun, so don't make a fuss.
for children who do not have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, it is easy to get into confusion and even unwittingly establish a wrong view of right and wrong: which way makes me comfortable and which is right.
there are no rules to teach, mistakes can be corrected, do not tell him what is right, that is the most terrible education.
on the other hand, parents usually like to dismantle Taiwan and sing a different tune, and their children are also easy to become two-faced and develop an opportunistic character.
the child is the smartest opportunist, and he will break through where the differences of opinion are weakest. Avoid the strict side and please the one who spoils you.
therefore, stop thinking that this kind of education is good for children. This kind of education is not conducive to children's forming good habits and establishing correct views on right and wrong and values. It is really the most useless education.
the best family education is "the mother is in charge"
Professor Li Meijin said: to take care of the children, only one voice is needed.
especially now that many families have three or four adults to raise a child, it is inevitable that they will ramble around in the process of educating their children.
at this time, on the issues of principle such as cultivating children's habits and sense of responsibility, it is necessary for the whole family to reach an agreement on whose way of education should be given priority to.
and this decision maker, preferably the mother.
Why should the decision-making power be given to the mother?
I once saw an interview with Hong Lan, a PhD in experimental psychology from the University of California and a famous educator in Taiwan, and I found it reasonable.
in the view of Dr. Hong Lan, because in the social cognitive and evaluation system, whether the child is well disciplined or not is most related to the mother.
that is to say, the child is very promising in the future. everyone knows that the mother is well educated, while if the child is a mess, everyone will say that the mother is not educated well. And will not say that the child's father, grandparents or grandparents dereliction of duty, did not take good care of the child.
therefore, since society puts such high demands on mothers, mothers should naturally be the main decision makers in the upbringing of their children. Mothers have a great responsibility and are accordingly more qualified to formulate unified rules for educating their children in the family.
in addition, educators follow a group of children raised by their father and mother respectively.
they found that in raising boys, fathers teach their children courage, responsibility and other qualities. Mothers cultivate good qualities and habits of their children.
to raise a girl, the father gives the child sense of security, self-confidence and a good marriage template, while the mother cultivates the girl's values, EQ, character and character, which determines the height of the girl's life.
Parental responsibility is different, the division of labor is also different. What Dad needs to do is: companionship, the power of example. The main duty of a mother is to establish rules and teach her children the way to behave and do things.
so, from the perspective of scientific parenting, mothers are more suitable for decision-making, fathers are more suitable for implementation, and set a good example.
A friend of mine has a lot of experience in this area:
in the past, his family had many debates about educating their children. The mother was strict, the child's grandmother was kind, and he was opportunistic (or, to put it bluntly, the thin clay school).
later he found that it was not good for the children at all, but hurt the feelings of his family. So he decided to come forward. He took the lead to respect his wife's education and let his wife become the protagonist in educating his children.
he had a serious chat with the child's grandmother: maybe what the child's mother said is not necessarily right, but it is undeniable that she is always the most devoted to the child's education, and we should support her.
in order to protect his wife's prestige in front of the children, he once said in front of the children, "your mother has the final say in our family!"
because of the clear-cut support of his friend, in his family, the mother's voice is the most effective, and the child is very sensible and abides by the rules laid down by his mother.
how to achieve unity
but speaking of this, it is estimated that many mothers are in trouble again: I know all the truth, but this is someone else's father and other people's mother-in-law. How can I convince them to join me?
talk to your partner about childhood education
if there are many educators in the family, then the object of communication must start with our strong "dad backup team". After all, the couple can say anything. and then extend to a higher level-the elderly.
as for how to convince your partner, it is recommended to start with "talking about childhood education".
parents' way of educating their children will inevitably repeat the educational model they have received.
you can talk to your partner about how you were educated when you were young, which will give each other a better understanding of each other's educational style.
then ask the other half: why is this method of education adopted? Listen to him explain, don't interrupt, be patient and respect his ideas.
at the same time, we can also ask ourselves inward: why are we opposed to his way of education? Are you worried about any bad consequences?
sometimes Mom's point of view is not necessarily right, maybe Dad's way of education will be better. Through such effective communication and more enlightening ways to throw out different ideas for discussion, it is easier for parents to agree on their children's educational requirements.
communicate strategically with the elderly
once you form an alliance with the father of the child, the difficulty of eliminating differences in intergenerational parenting is greatly reduced.
in line with the principle of not hurting feelings as much as possible, it is suggested that "whose parents will be persuaded". Mother will do the communication between grandparents, and father will do the communication between grandparents.
some elders may like to use it very much: we used to xxx, but now we are fine. To convince my mother with a sentence like this.
in this case, parents are advised to communicate with the elderly with the help of "authoritative voice".
the way is: forward parenting articles to family groups, inculcate parenting knowledge, describe one's own educational concept as said by so-and-so experts; in addition, quote more news stories to the elderly.
"the so-and-so expert said that children under the age of 6 can't check their mobile phones for more than 20 minutes at a time, otherwise they are easy to be nearsighted!"
"Ah! In the news, there was a child who ended up with diabetes because he ate junk food that was high in sugar and calories all day. "
this is more effective than saying ten thousand times, "Don't connive at your phone" and don't eat so many snacks.
seek common ground while reserving minor differences, do not break up with each other
even if we cannot achieve complete unity in the end, we can try our best to seek common ground while reserving minor differences. Don't expose your differences in front of your children and tear each other apart in front of your children.
you can propose privately that the two sides communicate peacefully, reach an agreement, and then face the child.
some children will cheat on their parents, such as "Dad allows me to finish my homework after watching TV" and tell him that you will check with your father before answering him.
as long as parents maintain each other in this way, slowly children will find that parents are "a team" and I have no chance to take advantage of loopholes.
at the same time, secretly parents also try not to say the wrong of their partner in front of their children, and should maintain the positive evaluation of their partner in the child's heart, so that the child can imperceptibly learn love and respect.
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in a family, if everyone has the final say, then no one has the final say.
therefore, if children want to respect their parents from the bottom of their hearts and develop good habits and views on right and wrong, the first thing they need to do is for parents to form a rope and work together in a unified pace.