Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
recently, the domestic drama "only Thirty" has been very popular, which has let the poor me see the luxury life of the rich women in Shanghai.
Gu Jia, 30, is good-looking, graduated from a prestigious school, started a fireworks company with her husband, and later became a full-time wife.
in order to get children into top private bilingual kindergartens, they gritted their teeth and borrowed money in exchange for luxury houses in super-expensive lots.
in her well-off family, she tried to squeeze into the rich ladies' circle, but she was hit in the face by the cruel reality:
there are people outside the world, and there is also a chain of disdain in the rich lady's circle of friends.
when she went to the wife's circle party for the first time, she put on her most formal dress and carried her most expensive Chanel bag.
when she arrived, she carefully put her bag on the chair behind her, but she was laughed at by the rich wife next to her:
Gu Jia looked around and found that other rich ladies had casually thrown bags several times more expensive than her on the floor.
at the end of the party, the rich ladies took a group photo. Mrs. Li, standing in position C, had a Herm è s Himalayan bag in her hand at a price of more than 2.6 million.
Gu Jia could only hide her bag behind her timidly and took pictures with other rich ladies with a stiff look.
, when she was browsing her moments, she found that she had been cut off alone in the photos posted by other rich women.
the reality is that even if you squeeze into the upper circle, eat with them and learn craftsmanship, they will ignore them, and even your moments will be deliberately cut off.
so, in order to get the attention of the rich wife, Gu Jia bought a limited edition of Herm è s when the company owed foreign debt and the house was mortgaged to the bank, which was regarded as stepping into the rich wife's circle.
there is a saying spread on the Internet:
so countless straws have sharpened their heads and climbed up, trying to tie them up with hairy crabs. However, the circle is different, and there is really no need for hard integration.
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Life is not a TV series, and most people are not online like Gu Jia.
you, who are not from the same class but want to blend in, will only make fun of yourself in the end.
see such a problem on Zhihu:
the subject sells in a 4s store in a third-tier small city, with an average income of only about 6,000 a month.
my son is going to choose a kindergarten at the age of 3, and his wife keeps saying that he wants to choose a good one, because he can get to know a lot of rich and powerful people.
but he can't afford such expensive household expenses. The mortgage costs 30,000 a year, and there are all kinds of insurance fees, and there is almost no money left all the year round.
his wife kept scolding him for being useless, incompetent, and without vision and pattern, so he had to ask questions on Zhihu.
in the answer area, one respondent shared his family's experience of gritting his teeth and sending his children to an aristocratic school, which received 45000 likes:
A school where the average working class can barely get there with a jump is just the beginning.
English tutoring classes worth 20,000 yuan a year are basically reported. Do you sign up or not?
for piano lessons worth 600 yuan each, rich mothers pay 1,000 yuan for teachers to teach in order to save their children's time.
Nike Adi's new and limited edition shoes can be found on children's feet and colorful KENZO sweaters at sports meetings.
there is a classmate with allergic rhinitis. Every winter vacation, a hotel in Yalong Bay, from winter vacation to holiday collection.
A mother said that she found her daughter secretly putting on makeup at home, and girls like bright red, so she bought Dior 999 for her children, because ordinary goods were not safe for children to use.
the school organizes overseas research activities every year. One year is the United States, 15 days more than 40,000, the next year is Singapore, your children participate or not? .
Children who attend aristocratic schools tend to be rich or expensive. When working class people go in, they are basically at the bottom of the chain of disdain.
they are not the same people at all, and their levels are not at the same level. what is the use of forcing children into the circle of rich children?
for a long time, not only can not let the child grow better, on the contrary, it will make him fall into the complex of inferiority and anxiety.
forcibly enter a circle that does not belong to you, often at the expense of squeezing yourself dry and not getting any benefits.
Wang Shimin, founder of YouCore, said one thing about his wife.
his wife has a MBA classmate who is absent from almost every activity during her MBA study.
whether it's dinners, inter-school competitions, corporate visits, parties, at least three nights a week, one Saturday or Sunday, spend on such social activities. In the words of this classmate, over the past three years, everyone has really known him, and he always thinks of himself as "well-connected".
I often show off around the class. I met brother so-and-so the day before yesterday and had dinner with some professor last night.
however, when there was something wrong with his graduation defense, there was not even a classmate or teacher who came forward to help him.
in the end, he could only take an extra year of study to get his MBA degree.
by contrast, Mrs. Wang Shimin, who is free to attend an activity after a long time.
when there was a problem with the printing of her paper, several students helped to deal with it and successfully replied at the last minute.
people who desperately want to accumulate contacts are ignored in the end, while those who are not attentive to contacts gain favor from everyone.
an American sociologist pointed out in the Theory of Social Exchange:
that classmate, read MBA.For 3 years, I was busy integrating into all kinds of circles, but I only forgot to enhance my value.
while Mrs. Wang Shimin is strong enough, there are naturally countless people who are willing to take the initiative to deal with her and lend a helping hand when they are in distress.
the essence of social interaction is the display and exchange of value. Only when the value is equal, can it be exchanged for equal value.
your exchangeable value is so low that even if you force yourself into a circle that does not belong to you, you will only be an outsider.
there is a pair of concepts in "Cognitive Breakthrough":
Labor popularity requires you to maintain a state of labor at all times, that is, you have to Shi En to others all the time.
like the kind of students who would have in the class when they were young, they often took some delicious crisp noodles or funny cards from home to please others.
when he is holding these things, everyone revolves around him, and he is satisfied with the feeling of public support.
however, once the delicious and funny food was gone, everyone broke up and gave him the cold shoulder.
the relationship maintained in this case is very fragile. It seems to have a lot of popularity, but in fact it disappears as soon as the wind blows.
on the other hand, asset popularity is based on personal attractiveness. Even if you don't give any favors, you still have good popularity.
the so-called assets can be wealth, power, fame, beauty, talent, taste, charisma, and interest.
just like the top student in the class when he was a child, he never flattered his classmates, but his classmates secretly worshipped him and longed to be friends with him.
slowly improve your personal value in order to have asset popularity. What you can get by constant Shi En is only false friendship.
Li Ka-shing once said that he warned young people:
"Don't spend too much valuable time socializing and attending all kinds of parties before you are strong enough and good enough."
you should spend more time reading, improve your professional skills, and meet more of your customers.
give up those useless social activities, improve yourself, and your world will be bigger. "
cultivate yourself before you can find the right circle. Strong people only make friends with strong people, which is a kind of mutual perfection.
only when you are good enough, will there be equally good people to make you. Be your own gentleman.