Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
when I was passing by the dessert shop after work yesterday, I overheard a conversation between mother and daughter.
"Mom, I have finished my homework today. Could you buy me a cupcake?"
at this time, the mother just hung up a phone, looked at the child suddenly yelled:
"eat, you know how to eat!" Can you just focus on eating! "
when the little girl saw that her mother lost her temper, her voice immediately dropped octave:
"but you promised me in the morning that you would buy me a cupcake after finishing your homework today."
unexpectedly, the mother who heard this was completely angry and poked her daughter with her finger:
"then you promised me that you would get more than 90 points in the final exam, how could you not do it?" "all day long, if it were not for you, could I be so tired that I would still be popular?"
"you can't save me a snack!"
with that, the mother left her child and left quickly, so frightened that the little girl ran after her mother anxiously while wiping away her tears.
looking at the grievance of the little girl, my heart tingled vaguely.
maybe the mother has something to worry about at work, maybe the mother is emotionally frustrated, or maybe she has been depressed for a long time.
but for no reason should you lose your temper so unscrupulously with innocent children.
Yin Jianli, an educator, said:
the power of emotion is powerful, especially anger.
if all parents' bad emotions are paid for by their children, it will be the greatest sorrow of a family and the beginning of a child's tragedy.
emotional violence is the nightmare of a child's life
A few days ago, I saw a terrible piece of news.
A man twice threw a two-or three-year-old child from a height into the sofa, and the child rolled off the sofa to the ground, crying loudly, causing people to worry.
after adjustment, the man vented his anger on the child because he had a dispute with his girlfriend over the upbringing of the child after drinking.
however, sadly, the child died after being hospitalized that night.
A child of only two and a half years old said goodbye to the world before he could feel the love and warmth of his father's out-of-control emotions.
parents who can't control their bad emotions are really worse than beasts.
A father in Chongqing was annoyed by his son because he was in a bad mood after divorce.
he threw his 7-year-old son directly off the overpass and the child died on the spot.
parents are supposed to be their children's first umbrella against the world, but parents who are out of control have become a knife hanging over their children's head, and it is really terrible that they are in danger of falling by hand at any time.
maybe we don't see such extreme cases.
but it is very common to yell at children because of unsatisfactory work and life in daily life:
"are you a pig? No matter how to teach it! " "if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have come to this."
"would you mind not giving me any trouble?"
these words may be just angry words for parents to vent their emotions.
but the emotional face of the parents, like a thorn, inserted directly into the child's young heart and became a persistent nightmare for the child's life.
I remember that when my daughter was in primary school, a male classmate in the class was diagnosed with childhood agitation.
after many studies by experts, it is found that the child's illness was "scared" by his father.
the father of the child has encountered setbacks at work and is always restless.
every time he gets off work, Dad brings home angry and grumpy emotions.
as long as the child makes the slightest mistake, his bad mood will be instantly detonated and scolded the child in the face.
later, children are often awakened by nightmares.
he longed to be close to his father and was afraid to be close to him.
over time, under the psychological pressure of multiple contradictions, the child has problems.
Home is supposed to be synonymous with warm and sense of security.
but it is the greatest harm to children who are torn apart by their parents' emotional violence.
the worse the parents' temper, the worse the parent-child relationship.
there has been a hot topic on Zhihu: what will children who have been hurt by their parents' bad temper look like when they grow up?
I saw such a message, full of sadness.
my childhood can be described as miserable. the relationship between my parents has been bad for as long as I can remember. The two often quarreled and took it all out on me:
I was beaten for not doing well in the exam, scolded for eating slowly, and even coming back later.
even whenever they are not satisfied, they will directly slap, then punch and kick, with unpleasant foul language, so that I hate them very much.
since I grew up, I have been feeling lonely, anxious, poor at communicating with others, and even a little autistic.
but they still blame me for being indifferent to them. in fact, I have already tried my best, cold heart and bruised all over my body.
some studies have shown that parents who are grumpy for a long time and scold their children will forcibly break the connection with their children emotionally.
Children will have different degrees of affective disorder, lack of self-confidence, and even self-abasement and autism.
more sadly, children will capture information from their parents' attitudes:
parents love to lose their temper, children are bound to follow suit; parents tend to be violent, and children solve problems with their fists.
I have one next to me.Mother, usually likes to lose her temper, but the child is more rebellious and unruly.
the most terrible thing is that children follow suit, and they can often be seen quarreling between mother and son:
the mother yells, the child rests, and the parent-child relationship is tense.
there is a psychological concept called chain sickness in the family.
means that the chaotic or distorted behavior of a single member of any family may trigger a corresponding chain reaction of other family members.
and if the parents' emotional order is chaotic and restless, the child will not feel love, so there will be strong emotional anxiety.
Love is not only giving, but also restraint.
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to restrain your anger and create a harmonious and warm living environment for children is the deepest love for them.
otherwise, a bad parent-child relationship will break the child's heart and slowly become as hard as a walnut and full of deep trenches.
good parents know how to nourish their children with love
in the hit drama "in the name of the Family," many people say that Li Jianjian, who has been wayward and domineering since childhood, how can he live the best life?
in fact, it's all thanks to a sharp dad with a good temper.
although Dad Li, who was in his prime, suffered the loss of his wife, he did not hate the world, let alone blame his children for the tribulations of life.
on the contrary, he is very gentle and tolerant to his daughter.
his daughter got into a fight with others in the community, resulting in bruises and complaints. Instead of blaming her first, he resolutely stood in line for her daughter and "complained" for her.
his neighbor introduced him to his girlfriend. His daughter not only made all kinds of troubles, but also regarded each other's son as an "enemy". He did not lose his temper and blame his daughter.
when I got to the top of high school and finished third from the bottom of the class, I laughed and said, "you know, I was always second to last in the class!"
but even in the face of such low achiever's daughter, Dad Li still did not become angry, but let her do her best.
under the gentle care of my father, the optimistic and cheerful tip is moving, it is impossible to see that it is a child who has lost his mother since childhood, there is no self-pity, only full of self-confidence.
finally, Li Jianjian, who grew up, not only had a successful career, but also reaped a happy love.
behind excellent children, there are emotionally stable parents.
A child with mature mind and sound personality can not do without the rational and peaceful educational attitude of his parents.
because parents' good temper can nourish their children's soul, give them a strong sense of security and the strength to overcome all difficulties.
Hu Shi wrote in my Mother:
"I left her at the age of 14. I have been in this vast sea of people for more than 20 years, and no one has ever controlled me.
if I learn a little bit of good temper, if I learn a little bit of kindness in dealing with people, if I can forgive and be considerate-- I have to thank my mother. "
Education, sometimes parents do not need how "excellent", peace of mind, emotional stability, is the best starting line for children.
because only emotionally stable parents can cultivate children with high EQ and give them the strength to walk alone in the world.
once accompanied her child to read a picture book called "the mother who yelled when she was angry".
one morning, my mother shouted at the little penguin, and the little penguin was scared out of her wits.
Mom can't find the baby penguin anyway.
later, the mother penguin realized that her child had already been torn apart by herself.
A parent's bad mood is like an executioner, which can hurt a child to pieces.
what is the best family education?
is the education of love.
A loving environment and peaceful parents are the most valuable feng shui for the family, and it is also a good blessing for their children's life.
as the line in "in the name of Family" says:
May parents all over the world learn to be patient and control their emotions.
with the passage of time, the love of parents will condense into the warm background of the child's life, and accompany the child to face the light and move forward all his life.