Effort often appears with exhaustion.
Wen /Zhang Jingshi
I don't know when to start.
I think I'm "pretty good".
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I think I'm "pretty good" because I run a good Subscription account, because I earned a good computer on my own during the summer vacation, and because I took a job where other people looked good. I looked at books that others thought were good, listened to songs that they thought were good, wrote articles that people around me thought were good, and I lived a life where others looked "pretty good".
until I heard a friend complain to me about his lousy life, I didn't know what "not bad" meant:
"recently, I almost always wake up until 12:00 at noon, and after waking up, I eat, play a few plates of LOL after dinner, and then go to the Internet bar to gang up with my friends after dinner, and then go home to take a shower and sleep until one or two o'clock. Then the next day repeats the life of the day before.
I sometimes hate myself for wasting my time, so I don't want to turn off the lights and go to bed until 4 o'clock in the evening. Because I know that once I fall asleep, it means that my 24 hours are really wasted.
but looking back now, I can't change the fact that I wasted a day even if I stay up late. "
in my eyes, he is not as bad as he describes himself. Because he has gone to three different places for self-help travel this winter vacation, and most of them are the money he earned part-time while studying, of course, his family also has a little support for him, but this does not prevent me from enviing his winter vacation life.
but he still feels that he is killing time, because the state he described has been throughout the Spring Festival.
he said this to me at three o'clock in the morning on the third day of the Lunar New year, and he gritted his teeth at that time.
as for me, I began to compare the days he described with what I thought was a "not bad" life.
found that my winter vacation was exactly the same as his.
because two months have passed, my life has not improved at all.
is still stuck on the word "not bad".
turns out I'm killing myself, too.
I looked at the book by the side of the bed. I remembered that I spent 50 yuan to buy it back during the winter vacation, but I only read less than ten of them in the next two months. I have expressed my love for Hecaitou (the author of "trough side past") to outsiders more than once, and I have boasted that I have read every article in Subscription account more than once.
but the truth is, I don't want to give up ten minutes a day for something I like.
recently I saw the rise of "one like a book" in moments, but I didn't take part in it. Because I know that I will definitely not be able to achieve the annual goals I have set.
the words "chicken blood" and "persevere" are simply antonyms, so I won't say anything on the spur of the moment, only the sound that has been brewing in my heart for a long time. I will consider whether I should "try it".
and when I went to work, I found that my so-called "ability" could not be called "skill" at all, because I had no routines, no technology, and only sudden "whims" with unstable quality.
I sat in the empty dormitory, and the whole dormitory was frighteningly quiet. I turned on my computer and played the eight villains, which I downloaded two months ago. I still remember that at that time I swore to others that Quentin's product would be a fine product.
but it became evidence that I was defeated by effort.
"you know, it is said in the news that playing with mobile phones for a long time will be the number one cause of cervical spondylitis in more and more young people."
"really? It's so terrible that I won't watch this kind of news in the future. "
in the past, I thought this kind of joke was very funny. Every time I didn't have a joke, I immediately made up a similar joke to stir up the atmosphere. But now I can't laugh at such jokes, because I find that this is the portrayal of most of us: knowing that my "not bad" is just an illusion of comforting myself, but deliberately ignoring the real evidence.
"calling a deer a horse" means that Zhao Gao specially disagreed with the then emperor Qin II in order to show his power. as a result, half of the courtiers present said it was a deer and half said it was a horse, which made Qin II begin to doubt his judgment. Unlike "confusing right and wrong", it is hostile.
and we are not only the bully Zhao Gao, but also the stupid and incompetent Qin II.
effort is not an easy task, it is often associated with the word "tired". But I also know that effort is the only way to extricate us, and exhaustion is the evidence of effort. Although the physical function has been exhausted, the heart is surrounded by a sense of satisfaction.
so the friend I mentioned in the first paragraph got on a cheap plane to Thailand,
and I wrote a paragraph about "fatigue" on the bus.
what is fatigue?
is the sound made when the forehead hits the back of the front seat as the bus accelerates.
is the winter plum hiding and withering in the spring.
is the smell of lemon left in the refrigerator.
is the setting sun behind him shrugging his shoulders and saying "forget it".
and tears in his throat.