Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
Middle age, an age prone to anxiety and confusion, the body begins to go downhill, but the burden of life is getting heavier and heavier.
however, there are always some people who have come a long and rugged way, but their feet are becoming more and more determined.
do not show off, do not complain, only silently precipitate in the bitter sea of years, quietly transformed.
they interpret the best state of people in middle age: do not tell the vicissitudes of life, do not show their edge, and do not reduce their sharpness.
do not tell the vicissitudes of life
writer Li Shanglong once mentioned in his book that when he attended the wedding, he found that those who drank too much at the wedding were all middle-aged people.
what these people say most is not their blessing to the newlyweds, but how difficult it is to repeat themselves over and over again.
some people maintain loveless marriages, some people have been unemployed for many years but lie to their families to go out, some people survive in a gap, and some people are on the verge of despair.
"they are saying some messy words, and some people are dancing and singing, not paying attention at all. The bride and groom have left the room."
A highly picturesque description of middle-aged people is not easy and greasy, which makes people feel sad.
when we reach middle age, we are suffering from the trials and tribulations of life. Our worries are heavy and our sufferings are endless.
but rather than the momentary pleasure of complaining, we need to practice the mindfulness of dealing with life.
writer Shi Tiesheng is paralyzed in bed for half his life, but he writes tirelessly in a wheelchair and creates many shocking works.
his friend once recalled the scene of visiting a doctor in his home:
"seeing Tiesheng from a distance, he had a simple and honest smile on his face and beckoned us to eat hot dumplings."
Life is so unfortunate that friends think what they are about to hear is a bitter complaint, but they are greeted by simple and hearty meals and understated smiles.
I have heard a saying:
"the best state of a person is that his eyes are full of stories, but his face is not covered with wind and frost."
instead of showing off in public, it is better to swallow your grievances silently and use those who clench your teeth when no one is interested in exchange for a life without regret.
the greatest self-discipline in middle age is not to tell the vicissitudes of life.
because people often like to hear the successful people recall the past, but do not want to hear the complaints and cries of the weak.
if you want to win the respect of others, it does not depend on the superposition of age, but on the accumulation of wisdom.
as you become stronger, the scars of the past are no longer a stumbling block to life, but the brightest medals on the road to the future.
Don't show your edge
there is a topic on Zhihu: "what are the hidden rules of interpersonal communication that you won't understand until you grow up?"
A high praise replied:
"when people grow up, they realize that the more powerful they are, the more low-key and humble they are."
when we were young, we always used arrogance to show off our maverick and boast to show our omniscience.
when you get older, you will know that good people are as warm and moist as jade, and the light is restrained in the inside rather than on the outside.
some time ago, I had the honor of visiting a big shot in the industry.
I thought that with his achievements, he would inevitably have some airs, but I didn't expect to feel comfortable and natural after meeting.
in the process of chatting with us, he always leans forward slightly and listens attentively. He not only gives us a lot of professional advice, but also gives everyone a thoughtful little gift when he leaves.
there is a saying that the more confident people are, the more humble and high-level people are, the more low-key and introverted they are.
Cai Yuanpei has made great achievements in his life, holding such positions as president of Peking University and president of the Academia Sinica, but he is poor and low-key and never shows off his talents.
once China was about to participate in an art exhibition to be held in London, and the organizing committee sent Cai Yuanpei and Lin Yutang to participate in the selection.
at that time, Paul Pelliot, a French sinologist who thought he was a China expert, kept talking when watching: "this Song painting has a good silk color," and "that Huizong goose is undoubtedly authentic."
Cai Yuanpei, knowing that Paul Pelliot was deliberately showing off and full of loopholes, only nodded slightly and did not answer.
in Cai Yuanpei's silence, Paul Pelliot felt that he was rude and shallow, so later he shut up and looked into Cai Yuanpei's eyes with more admiration.
Lin Yutang once said this scene:
"this is the modesty and self-cultivation of the Chinese people, reflecting a wonderful picture of foreigners showing off and superficiality."
in the face of the eloquence of those who do not understand, others may directly point out the fallacies in order to show their knowledge, but Cai Yuanpei did not do so.
but with a broad mind to tolerate the unbearability of others, not only save the face of others, but also highlight their own pattern.
Zeng Guofan once said:
"he who is fond of defeating others will not defeat others; if he can defeat others, he will not win."
those who love words better than others, most of them have no ink in their chest, but those who are really talented do not show themselves.
the higher a person is, the lower his posture is, and the wiser he is, the less he shows his edge.
when people reach middle age, they should focus on self-cultivation.
only when you know how to hide the front and treat others with humility can you win the respect of others.
Director Wang Chaoge once said in his speech:
"12 years is a reincarnation." By the age of 36, family, work and life tend to be stable, and people are completely divided into two types: one is to repeat the age of 36, and the other is to start looking for a new life. "
many people complain that life has become a backwater. In fact,Because of the loss of self-demand.
it's up to you to choose whether to follow your fate to mediocrity or to rise again with hardship and effort.
there is such a man who grew up poor and expected to have a full meal.
he got good grades, but he had to drop out of school and go out to work because of family reasons.
since the age of 16, he has worked as a cement worker, helped his father grow flue-cured tobacco and sold ducks at home.
when he was 22, he went to Guizhou normal University to work as a security guard.
looking at his peers who are full of books, talking and laughing, he is very envious, so he is determined to go to college.
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others laughed at him one after another. You, a security guard, wanted to go to college. I'm afraid it wasn't a pipe dream, but he didn't pay attention to it, but immediately devoted himself to intense study.
it's not easy for him to go to college because he has no foundation.
the security guard asked him to lock the door after work at 11:00. He began to pick up his books as soon as he got off work. Sometimes he studied late into the night, leaned against his chair for a few hours, and went back to work at 06:30.
on weekdays, he never participates in the activities of his colleagues, others play cards, he is reading, others get paid to eat out, and he buys study materials.