Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
recently, I was watching the popular youth drama "Twenty without doubt", which was favored by ginger fruit rings.
Xiaoguo is a post-95 girl from an ordinary family, with no money, no power, no appearance, but she is ordinary but not mediocre, diligent, positive and optimistic.
one of the most praised by the audience is her "difficult" personality.
classmate Wang Wei had no money to buy a train ticket last semester. She borrowed 300 yuan from Xiaoguo and was in arrears all the time.
Xiao Guo is just 300 yuan short of buying a new mobile phone, so she goes to Wang Wei to get her money back.
but who knows Wang Wei obviously got the scholarship, but she kept on crying that she was poor and refused to pay back the money.
one day Xiao Guo happened to see Wang Wei buying shoes with a scholarship. She broke into the shoe store to get back 300 yuan of her own money.
"how can you rob money?" Wang Wei began to cry and make noise, but Jiang Xiaoguo confidently told her:
Wang Wei began to pretend to be pitiful, confided her grievances to her friends and described herself like a bullied victim.
most people may flinch when faced with this situation, but Jiang Xiaoguo is not a vegetarian. She argued with each other step by step:
"are you right if you show weakness?" I am capable of supporting you for 300 yuan, but that doesn't mean I have an obligation.
you can go to work. If you want to get something for nothing, why should I help you? "
I have to say that Jiang Xiaoguo is really so tough that he dares to stick to his own demands and strive to get back what belongs to him according to reason.
in the face of the moral blackmail of the weak, she did not yield to weakness, but pressed step by step with reasonable evidence, showing her "difficult to mess with" characteristics incisively and vividly.
as the saying goes, "if you have a child who is a hundred years old, you will have a long worry of 99", and the daughter is the softest place in the heart of the parents.
so most parents want their daughters to be "difficult" girls like Xiao Guo to avoid getting hurt.
so how do we raise a daughter who is "difficult to mess with"?
be kind-hearted and know how to protect yourself
Let girls know earlier that life is not a fairy tale, which may breed malice in secret corners.
it is good to not take the initiative to attack others, but being bullied and knowing how to fight back is your basic right to protect yourself.
recently, a piece of news about "drugging girls" has been a hot search.
A girl was drugged in her water cup by a fellow man while eating in a cafeteria in Shenzhen.
fortunately, the girl met a kind shop assistant and took away the water cup on the grounds of "refill" in time, and reminded the girl.
after questioning by the girl, Zhao Mouxi admitted his "crime", saying that the medicine was purchased from the United States, a "drug used by women to relieve sexual apathy."
I was scared when I thought about it, but the girl bravely exposed the scum and refused the boy's apology.
at present, the police are involved in the investigation and detained the man.
netizens have bravely stood up and praised the girl, setting an example to others who may be victimized, revealing their "unpleasant" attitude and sounding the alarm for potential criminals.
every time I see such news, I not only feel angry at the "scum", but also worry about being an old mother.
psychologist Zhang Defen said:
so girls should dare to release aggressiveness, dare to establish principles and adhere to the bottom line, in order to avoid unnecessary harm.
when you encounter excessive people and things, you must dare to speak out, express anger, and reveal the aura of "not easy to mess with".
the writer Yu Hua has a good saying:
the world is full of dangers. If there is no means of thunderbolt, you must not be kind-hearted to Bodhisattvas, and know that self-protection is a compulsory course in life.
dare to refuse, guard boundaries
sometimes we always teach girls:
in fact, this is the lack of a sense of boundaries.
the lack of a sense of boundaries will make children become good people in the eyes of everyone, and may even develop into a "flattering personality".
likes to watch, doesn't know how to refuse, cares a lot about other people's comments, always guesses and caters to other people's thoughts, and is addicted to taking others as the center.
but giving up your boundaries to please others doesn't make you like and respected, but makes the bad guys worse.
writer Sanmao once recorded how he was bullied when he was "cosying up" to his classmates when he was studying in Spain.
in order to establish friendly relations with the people in the dormitory, Sanmao often contracted unconditional chores in the dormitory. as a result, she became a free maid for the whole dormitory.
all these efforts did not bring Sanmao friendship, but were bullied again and again.
Sanmao was thoroughly angered by a "wine theft and planting incident" by a dorm girl.
she became a "tough" girl, hitting the group of female classmates with a broom.
since then, no one dared to bully her any more, and her classmates, who had called her orders, instead scrambled to help her with her work.
blindly ingratiating and tolerating did not get friendship, but rebelled, but won her respect.
whether it is relatives, friends, loved ones, all relationships, not blindly patient to get along well, but timely reject unreasonable suggestions and arrangements, live a self-contained life.
this boundary includes not only physical boundaries, but also emotional and mental boundaries.
in life, when the child is unwilling to share, don't force the child to know that she has the right to refuse what belongs to her.No one.
tell children not to please people and things that are not worth it, learn to say "no", start from childhood, avoid boundaries being violated by others, and be a "difficult" girl.
strengthen the body, fight back when necessary
the kindness without teeth equals weakness, only the child himself is really strong, will deter the bad guys.
Stampp, the world champion of kickboxing and Muay Thai, is a brave woman.
Stampp's childhood was full of bullying and was much younger than other children in kindergarten, so he was often beaten, scolded and teased.
in order to fight bullying, the 5-year-old began to practice martial arts and boxing.
after she put on the glove for the first time, she felt confident and strong, and constantly strengthened her heart and body in boxing practice.
after several forceful counterattacks, they stopped bullying her, leaving behind her cowardice and sadness, and Muay Thai became her career and glory.
A worker engaged in criminal investigation and criminal intelligence was asked in the program:
adults cannot always act as an umbrella for children, but should teach them how to identify aggression and reveal their aura that they are not easy to bully when threats and violence come.
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only by making the child strong enough, bad people can't start.
therefore, parents should not only teach their children to resist, but also train their children how to fight back.
in life, take more girls to participate in physical exercise, cultivate their strong physique, and give children some self-defense skills.
in this way, the child can deal with it calmly, have no fear, and have the strength of being "difficult to mess with".
parents are always behind-Love and sense of security
Fromm said in
"Mother represents nature, the earth and the sea." is our hometown;
while the father represents the other extreme of human existence: the world of thought, the world of law, order and discipline. "
Research shows that fathers who care about their daughters are a powerful umbrella and can effectively prevent bad things from happening to their daughters.
and with such a father, girls tend to do well in their studies, are more likely to succeed in their careers, have high self-esteem and are less likely to get bad habits such as alcoholism.
A netizen on Zhihu recounted his experience of being bullied as a child:
"when my father knew that I was bullied by a boy in the same class, he immediately found the boy, grabbed him, and snapped:
" if you bully my daughter again, you will see! "
that boy and other classmates were so scared that they kept apologizing to my father:
since then, that boy and the rest of the class have never bullied me again.
looking back on that scene, I still think my dad looks like a hero.
he showed me the true strength of a father-he can protect me and give me sense of security.
American family therapist Satya said
"No matter the king or the farmer, as long as his family is harmonious, he is the happiest person in the world."
having a healthy and happy growth environment is crucial to the establishment of sense of security for girls.
parents love their children affectionately and unconditionally, which is the cornerstone of girls' sense of security and the strength of girls to be "difficult to mess with".
cultivate your daughter's difficult character and strong physique, and give her enough sense of security and unconditional love.
in this way, girls will not only have a compassionate heart, but also have the means to protect themselves, not only a diamond heart, but also hibiscus face smile to life.