How do I get along with my girlfriend
The way lovers get along
someone told me backstage a while ago: "I like all the articles I've written recently, but can you write about how couples should get along with each other?"
I wrote down this question in the memo, because it is really worthy of our serious discussion. Before college, almost all of our understanding of "love" came from a variety of stories. No one has ever taught us how to love someone, or what to do when we are loved, or even know what love is.
so, I have summed up four ways for couples to get along, which I hope will be useful to you.
one /the first way for couples to get along
\ "when you show your love, don't always show your material love\"
when my girlfriend and I went to eat shaved ice last week, she showed me the circle of friends of one of her female friends, probably with some pictures of delicious food, and then added a "Thank you". The content is simple, and the author's purpose is extremely clear, that is, to show love.
but there are many things that people who show love don't know.
after reading it, my girlfriend asked me, "how do you feel?"
I said, "her boyfriend is really rich."
my girlfriend said, "my fart, her boyfriend is so nice to her!"
the logic of girls is always so strange, really.
so before I tell you how couples should get along, I want to remind you: "remember, sometimes you show love and abuse not only single dogs, but also poor dogs."
but then again, love needs to be blessed, not deliberately envied or envied. Because things that can be exchanged for envy and jealousy are often extremely superficial.
talk about what makes you like the other person so much, instead of just praising how good the other person is to you materially each time, which may benefit the people you see and bless you more from the bottom of your heart.
benefit because it makes it clear to many people that we don't have a man /girlfriend not because we are not good-looking or rich enough, but because we are not funny enough.
if a person behaves too materially, he will unconsciously materialize everything, and when materialization comes to the end, he will naturally mark himself with a price. So when showing affection, don't always show how good the other person is to you materially.
II /the second way for couples to get along
\ "Don't objectify yourself, put a price on yourself\"
first of all, I'd like to ask a question: if a couple fall in love for nine years and finally break up, who do you think will lose more?
of course it is the woman's loss, because it is generally believed that the youth of girls is much more precious than that of boys. But I do not know if you have ever thought about such a question, love is originally a matter agreed by both parties, and being together means that you are willing to share the benefits and risks it brings to you.
but why does everyone think that the man is sorry to the woman? Is it because girls have an expiration date?
because people objectify themselves, girls become a commodity that will fall in price.
the word "loss" makes love a transaction, and there is a redistribution of benefits behind the transaction, so there is a yardstick of "loss" and "profit".
and materializing yourself will only lead to another consequence, that is, the person you like will also objectify you and mark you with a "price", but the "price" here can be time, patience, thoughtfulness, and so on. So it is not difficult to understand why a man will abandon his wife after he is rich, because he can "buy" a better, younger object.
if a boy is proud of how much he has spent for each other, then he is just satisfying his desire to buy, which is not called the desire to protect.
and materialization will make love a game called "Game of Thrones", which does not gamble but gamble with life. Every time your forbearance becomes the accumulation of chips, and every gain or loss is recorded on the blackboard in your heart, there are only three roles in such "love", namely, "winner", "loser", and "final winner". Because the "loser" can make a final turnaround through the accumulation of chips and become the "final winner".
I've seen a lot of competing love stories backstage, so this is really the norm, not an exception.
in fact, at the beginning of materializing yourself and others, everyone lost.
because no one in the game can win true love, it is a gamble.
there is no win or lose, no profit or loss in love.
so this is the second and most important point I want to tell you, never objectify yourself.
three /the third way for couples to get along
\ "Don't say bad things like\ 'Let's break up\'"
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actually there are signs of love. I think there is.
because most immature love is more or less the same, mature love will have its own charm.
and the immaturity of this kind of emotion is often reflected in the process of quarrelling, because if you listen carefully, you will find that they are not discussing how to solve the problem at all, but keep attacking each other at some point. When they say to each other, "I am hurt", they often beat around the bush and use "you don't understand me" to make the argument more heated. In the end, they may even use the breakup as a bargaining chip to "blackmail" each other.
the purpose of their quarrel is not to solve the problem, but to express themselves. In the course of the quarrel, they threw more and more chips until they announced the breakdown of the relationship together.
so me andMy girlfriend has an agreement that no matter how much we quarrel, we can't say angry words like "Let's break up". I told her that if you told me to break up, even if you were angry, I would take it seriously. Three times is my bottom line, so if that's the third time you break up, it proves that you really want to break up, and we can't get back together in our lives.
how seriously you take the word "break up", how much you respect the relationship.
because I know very well that there is something that you don't think so in your heart, but when you say it, it comes true.
(including but not just: "Let's break up", "do you think you're much better than me", "Why do you always do this", "you don't like me at all", etc.)
four /the fourth way for couples to get along
"forget all your expectations for love and start all over again"
I think the first thing two people should do after they are together is not to post on moments, but to forget all their stereotypes about the relationship, because unreasonable expectations will only kill your relationship.
what is "unreasonable expectation"?
Let me first ask you a question: when two people date, does the man have to pay for it?
I've discussed this with a lot of people. If you ask girls, most of them will tell you, "of course not. Whoever has money will pay."
but if you ask a boy, 90% of the boys will tell you categorically, "of course it's up to the man to pay. "
well, this is called" unreasonable expectation ". I have seen some boys who are reluctant to spend more than three yuan to add meat at school, but are willing to invite their girlfriends to a buffet of 200 yuan each. This kind of relationship is easy to break, not because of lack of money, but because the premise of swollen face is to make the face swollen.
as a girlfriend, she can't find that her boyfriend can't afford such high expenses, which means she doesn't know him at all. As a boyfriend, it doesn't matter once and a half, but if he goes on like this for a long time, he will unconsciously associate his shortage in life with this relationship.
so in this relationship, there is no mutual sharing, there is no mutual understanding, it is doomed not to go far.
so what exactly is love? it should be something that makes both parties happy. I saw a sentence the other day, written by Meng Jinghui. I use it as the end of today's article, I hope you can understand:
"I have never eaten sugar, I thought salt is sugar."
I hope you all get real sugar:)
PS: if you like this article, you might as well tell me through appreciation, I will write again.
I think people are like lost deer
because they are just as lonely