Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
I recently watched an issue of Super Parental Parental Master, in which a mother and son made me feel a lot.
Hao Hao, a 3-year-old son, is sometimes unreasonable and likes to cry, while his mother is very grumpy and likes to solve problems by shouting.
under such a personality relationship, their daily relationship is similar to this:
the son followed his mother to the vegetable market, crying and begging his mother, "I want to hug, I want to hug."
but my mother said, "No, you have to hold back. If you say no, you just can't."
No matter how Hao Hao cries, the mother firmly refuses and leaves the child behind when she is angry, no matter how dangerous it is on the road where people come and go.
when he followed his mother to the vegetable market, Hao Hao's attention turned to novelty, asking a lot of questions:
as we all know, for a 3-year-old child, this is a period of cognitive desire, naturally full of curiosity about new things.
but the mother, on the other hand, has no patience and only refuses her children:
finally back home, Hao Hao played with the car and thought the family atmosphere would be more relaxing. But the mother was dissatisfied with the sound of the car:
the scene was chaotic.
The mother, who had always disliked her son, did not realize that her roar drowned out the child in every conflict.
and the loudest noise in the house is also made by herself.
but she only thinks that all this is caused by the child's unreasonable trouble, so she keeps stopping and yelling.
in order to make the mother feel the roar her child faces every day, the program has specially prepared a sound experience venue for her to listen to her usual voice.
when her old "yelling" echoed in her ears, the mother could see the extent of her collapse from shock to nervousness to crouching on the ground with her head in her arms.
imagine that a mother can't even face these roars herself, let alone a 3-year-old son.
"do not do to others what you do not want to do to others". These roaring sounds have caused great harm to the children and the whole family.
the book "Don't yell, Don't yell" says that the child is a 24-hour monitor in front of you.
this machine records many scenes similar to the relationship between Hao Hao and her son-
from morning till now, see what time it is and whether you are late for school;
Why is it so difficult for you to take a bath? then don't wash it again.
all told you not to get the meal out. Why can't you remember? are you a pig?
is it annoying? where do you get so many questions? you are bored to death.
there is no doubt that these roaring words hurt children's self-confidence and curiosity in varying degrees.
and most of the time, the roar that parents say is to make their children obedient, which is not true.
maybe the child is obedient now, but that's only because of your authority, your roar and oppression, not your teachings from the heart.
my friend Ah Yue once complained about the little bully in the family, and now she is about to turn into a yin-yang face. every time I don't yell at him, he smiles and still does whatever he wants.
forced me to yell at him so that he would be honest.
this also leads a friend's son to judge the limits of his capriciousness on the basis of "adult roar".
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and yelled at him before, the next time you don't keep yelling, he thinks you're starting to lower your standards, and it's hard to control your friends.
from this, we can see that your roar will also turn your child's obedience into a kind of coping, and can not play a real educational role.
it's easy to make your child aggressive
your child is just like you.
Children who have been in the environment of their parents' shouting for a long time are also easy to be infected with their parents' irritability, become irritable and aggressive to people and things.
in the documentary Mirror, there is such a child who yells at his parents and hits his mother.
but the reason why he is so aggressive is because his parents are grumpy. Usually, if they can't decide, their parents will quarrel loudly.
it is conceivable that there must be disputes and shouting for the education of children.
in the long run, children will be exposed to the grumpy temper of their parents, and it is easy to have aggressive behavior and psychology when they encounter people and things that make him unhappy.
harms a child's EQ and social interaction
psychologists believe that shouting in anger makes it difficult for children to learn a positive social style, and even harms their EQ.
I remember watching a video in which a little boy had serious social problems in kindergarten and none of the children wanted to play with him.
because he always likes to yell at his partners when he is playing with them, and sometimes hit his classmates when he is unhappy.
even if his parents asked him to apologize, he kept on gagging until his mother yelled at him.
is such a simple scene, we can see that parents are used to yelling to bring their children to their knees when communicating with their children.
under such a strong oppression, it is difficult for children to have correct social concepts, and the resulting behavior deviation is not difficult to understand.
after all, children's problems are all the reflection of adults in the final analysis.
hurting parent-child relationship
the book "Don't yell, Don't yell: how to peacefully let Children cooperate with their parents" tells such a story:
one day Yoko's 16-year-old son called a group of friends to the house to play without her consent.
as a result, Yoko, who came back early, saw her. As soon as she entered the door, she heard loud music and saw her son smoking and drinking with friends in the backyard.
Yoko was so angry and angry that she could not help shouting at her son:
she had imagined the worst situation without communicating with her child at all, and even yelled at her son again after everyone had left.
until my son slammed the door and left angrily.
as a matter of fact, it is difficult to deal with adolescent problems, but Yoko still uses the usual way of shouting, which not only does not solve the problem well, but also damages the relationship between mother and son.
it might be more appropriate if she could calm down, communicate seriously with her son, and then think about how to deal with it.
Uncle Fan has always felt that shouting is not the only way to solve the problem, but the worst kind of behavior.
because he roars for a moment and repents later.
your yelling will not only aggravate the problem, but also hurt your relationship with your family.
do I have to lose my temper?
will the child be obedient when he loses his temper and will the problem be solved?
what will be the effect of such a tantrum on the child?
it is said that the process of raising children before raising children and educating children is actually a process of self-growth.
I hope that every parent can give their children a peaceful and happy growth environment with a stable mood, love them well and grow up together!